By Nigel Beckles, the Online Advisor to the Masses
‘All you need is Love’ so claims the famous Beatles’ jingle along with so many other world philosophies, religious mantra and self-help books that offer a guide to achieving everlasting happiness and fulfilment.
Yet love is the most elusive thing for us to attain due to the repeated mistakes we make when choosing our relationships. This is the view of Nigel Beckles, the self-made relationship specialist (but not guru he emphasises), that is put forward in his latest book ‘How to Avoid Making the Big Relationship Mistakes.’
Nigel’s authority on the subject comes from his troubled past, growing up in an abusive family where he witnessed incidents of domestic violence. His experiences affected him deeply and led to him making some very poor relationship choices, increasing his sense of pain and frustration. After much introspection, self-analysis and development, Nigel spent four years researching the subject eventually coming up with answers put forward in his book.
“My personal experiences along with a keen interest in psychology made me determined to find out why I had sabotaged my own happiness. Following two years of reflection, self-development and personal growth I decided to write my first book and spent four years researching what some of the top experts in the field of relationships had to say to discover the real reasons why so many [relationships] end in failure or even abuse and violence.”
Armed with knowledge and years of experience, today Nigel is not only an author and specialist on relationships but an online advisor along with a team of administrators of two online support groups providing counsel to a combined membership of over 26,000 members.
“I have years of experience supporting and guiding men and women through difficult relationship issues. I have advised people from all over the world regarding their relationship mistakes…..My mission is to help others avoid the emotional distress of making poor relationship choices and guide people towards finding a partner for a healthy, loving relationship,” he says.
All well and good but in the sea of available self-help books all professing to do the same thing what makes, ‘How to Avoid Making the Big Relationship Mistakes’ stand out from the crowd?
“My book is written in plain English. I have avoided using psychobabble. The guidance is clear and there are several exercises included,” is Nigel’s crisp answer. Prodding further we find out that such practical guides include step by step exercises on how to discover whether you are ready for a relationship because as he stresses “no point getting involved if you are not ready’.
We also discover that the most common relationship mistakes are not paying attention to red flags, ignoring warning signs and trying to change your partner and that women are not top of the list for repeating mistakes but that “men make just as many relationship mistakes as women but research shows more women tend to read self-help relationship books.”
Having skimmed through the pages of ‘How to Avoid Making the Big Relationship Mistakes’, one’s first impression is that it provides a comprehensive guide to the process of self-discovery and self-love, the prerequisites of achieving a healthy and happy relationship and for those who have immersed themselves several times into such programmes, Nigel’s book still appeals because of his ability to break down complex matters and present them in a easy to grasp and sympathetic manner.
Coinciding with the publication, Nigel has also taken part in a much awaited film ‘Looking for Love’ the sequel to ‘The Story of Lovers Rock’ directed by Menelik Shabazz, the Writer and Director of ‘Burning an Illusion’ way back in the 80s. Nigel tells us that the film is a frank exploration of black relationships today and that he would hope that ‘Looking for Love’ would encourage people to look at themselves honestly and heal any emotional baggage they may be carrying causing themselves and others pain.
Nigel Beckles’ book: ‘How to Avoid Making the Big Relationship Mistakes’ is available from his website:
His Facebook Groups include: Reflections on Abusive Relationships (ROAR) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder Survivors (NPDS)
The film ‘Looking for Love’ is released on 21st August 2015. Screenings are listed on the official website: